The Occasional Blog of Jonah Weiland

While last week had a few outstanding performances – Prince Poppycock and Michael Grimm – the first week of Semi-Finals was really a disappointment. With this second week of Semi-Finals now upon us, plus the promise of another performance by Jackie Evancho and Fighting Gravity, expectations run high again, but will they disappoint like last week? Let’s hope not. Let’s watch.

Alice Tan Ridley – Well, well, well. OK, first off let me say I fucking hate, hate, hate, hate, hate this awful Whitney Houston song. Really, they’re all awful, but this one really bugs me. But this isn’t America’s Got Bad Taste In Music, it’s America’s Got Talent. She was good, better than good, but I worry she may not have been good enough tonight. The level of talent we’ve seen and yet to see thus far makes me think she’s got a big, big hill to climb. It was good, but I have my doubts. That said, no way this lady’s headed back to the subway, unless it’s for a sandwich. This woman will be singing professionally and starting her pro music career at 57.

Haspop – One of my absolute favorite contestants this year. Play back this guy at slow speed on your DVR. It’s absolutely incredible what he does. While this was a fun performance, it just didn’t “pop.” When it got started I was hopeful, but it never quite jumped. The last performance was far higher energy. He’s incredibly skilled, but I fear this may be the last we see of Haspop. Au revoir, Haspop. You’ll be missed.

Maestro Alexander Bui – This is one of those acts I am surprised is in the semi-finals. It’s not that he’s not talented, it’s just that first performance was odd, at best. Well, as interesting and fucking crazy as it was to play two songs at the same time on the same piano with the same two hands, bah. OK, sorry, it sucked. Play one song, dammit. Fucking choose! At times it sounded like a total mess, while at other times it sounded amazing. Just wasn’t enough consistency. Clearly talented, but no. Won’t get my vote.

Howie booing the audience cracked me up. He’s not a cultural ignoramous, he just gets it.

Michael Lipari and Ashleigh Dijan – Last time we had the stunt fall, which sucked everyone in. Can they top it? I doubted it and well … OK, that was pretty damn good. I liked the copious use of smoke effect to hide Michael. I liked the love story. Loved the change in aerial options. Overall, a very good set.

Michael Grasso – Mother fucker, three kidney transplants? Are you fucking kidding me? Stop making your kidneys disappear! OK, seriously. We’ve seen that trick before, on AGT even, but Grasso brings a certain flair and style to his act that’s really compelling. In fact, Murray did this same trick with a Tiger this season, but Grasso’s style carries him very well. I like this guy a lot. Would like to see him move on to the finals. Plus, if he wins he can buy a different kidney for each day of the week!

Debra Romer – One of my favorites. I gotta say I enjoyed the Fleetwood Mac song from her last performance far more than this one. I wanted some energy out of this performance, and we didn’t get it. It was a nice performance, but like Howie said I don’t know if nice is good enough. Keep trying, keep working at it, but I don’t think you’ll be back next week.

Studio One Young Beats Society – Outstanding! They danced their asses off! Some absolutely amazing stunts. Automatic! Final rounder’s! Really impressive, but in the finals I want to see them jumping off shit and coming close to dying. That’s what it takes to win this show, especially one that has Fighting Gravity as a competitor.

Jeremy VanSchoonhoven – Wow. Look, this guy is a fighter. The guy’s totally jacked up, yet he comes out and wows the audience. Dude’s a baller. I don’t know that I’d see this guy in Vegas, but there’s a very real future for this guy. Get healthy, man.

Nathaniel Kenyon – I was thinking to myself when they brought this guy on stage, “OK, I’m kinda over you now.” This performance did not increase my interest. And is it just me who felt like when he got buzzed he shut down?

Murray – Look, it’s simple, as both Murray and Piers stated, there’s not enough room in the finals for two illusionists. Nice trick, but Grasso has your number, buddy. That said, don’t cry for Murray – this guy’s getting an act in Vegas anyway.

Jackie Evancho – One of the two most highly anticipated performances of the night. Can she match her audition? SUPER duper close. That said, she’s so good, so appealing that you can’t help but root for her. Go Team Jackie!

Fighting Gravity – And now we have the other most anticipated act of the evening.

MIND. FUCKING. BLOWN. KILLED IT!

Howie said it right, only Fighting Gravity could follow Jackie Evancho. Really, there’s nothing more that needs to be said other than FUCKING YEAH BROTHER YEAH MAMA WOAH!

Yeah, they’re that good. Leaving me kinda speechless. The moving stage was a very nice touch. I just want more, more, more. The choice to take off a semester of school was the right one. These guys are guaranteed to show up in Vegas and I will make the trek there to see them. Can you say sold out shows? NO one touches these guys.

So who gets my vote? Pretty easy this week. Top picks are Fighting Gravity, Jackie Evancho, Michael Grasso and Studio One Young Beats Society. So who gets that coveted fifth spot? It’s between Jeremy & the flying crazy people and in this case performing injured gets some extra points. My vote goes for the gimp – Jeremy.

MUCH better Semi-Finals compared to last week. Thank you contestants – see you at the finals!

Well, I’ve finally come to terms with my love of America’s Got Talent. I’m not afraid to talk about it publicly anymore, in fact I tweet about it probably more than most people appreciate. I’m at that point where I could go to the top of a building and scream out for all to hear, “I’m Jonah Weiland and I watch America’s Got Talent.” But I won’t.

With the show now in to the semi-finals, I figured I’d start assessing the acts a bit because this is where it gets good. This is where the finalists comes from and making those choices ain’t gon’ be easy. And I believe this year’s talent is better than last year’s crop, which was outstanding. Let’s get right to it.

Anna & Patryk – Look, these kids are great. It might feel odd watching them — first, watching ballroom dancing isn’t exactly something I make a habit of watching, and secondly, I’m not exactly in to watching 12 year old kids dance their asses off. But that being said, tonight they had a really fun performance and they danced their ass off. I don’t see them winning, but I do see a very bright future for them. That is, if they survive their teens without robbing a bank or turning to crack. Look, it’s not highly likely, but that would derail any chances of success.

Christina & Ali – I’ve loved these girls since the beginning and their story is very inspiring, but I really didn’t like this performance at all. The notes sounded a bit flat to me. I hate to say it, but I might not vote for them this week. Also, kids, don’t do crack.

Antonio Restivo – OK, this guy. I like his act well enough, but I’ve been getting so tired of him from audition to audition. This guy cries too damned much, and this comes from a guy who isn’t afraid to cry. Frankly his emotions just got to be too much. Get it together, man!
But, tonight? Holy Fuck, That Was Fucking Rad! Badass Mother Fucker! You killed it, mother fucker! BURN MORE SHIT! And Sharon, your comments were ridiculous.

Future Funk – Seriously cutest thing in the world. Won’t go through to the finals, but go ahead and give these kids a show on Disney or Nick. I’d even watch an episode.

Taylor Matthews – Wait, has he been singing Christian rock this entire time? WTF? I like him, not his best performance, but he could make it to the finals. But knock it off with the Christian rock. Sing songs about partying or crack use.

Connor Doran – Poor kid, he knew this was over for him. Just heartbreaking.

Dan Sperry – Dude, you’re pretty amazing. Your audition was amazing. This was not so much. Sorry, game over.

Kristina Young – Oh no. Totally didn’t work. Voice was way off. Awful. That judging was hard to sit through, but Piers actually showed some heart.

Arcattack – Agree entirely with Howie. Its neat, but they don’t get my vote. Would pay to see them live. Maybe at a burning man party. OMG, did Sharon say gooks?

Michael Grimm – Loved the voice despite illness, but did the guitar sound like it was sound engineered properly? Something was off thee, but he was great. He’s going through.

Ascendance – I liked the last performance better. It started out very cool, then lost it. Soon after the dude jumped up. They needed like fifteen people on that wall. And fire. Considering how weak tonight has been, they could make it through.

Prince Poppycock – Mother fucker. Mother fucker. That was amazing. That was just amazing. I mean, I feel very dirty right now, but in a good way. Absolutely amazing. Great music choice. Great performance. Incredible get-up. Fuck, someone needs to develop a “Prince Poppycock” comic stat! Guy is fucking funny, too. Loved the evolution of the character. Really outstanding.

Holy shit, Prince Poppycock already has a Web site. And apparently there’s a documentary with Prince Poppycock in it.

It’s gonna be opera singer vs. opera singer in the final. Fucking amazing. OK, gonna go watch it a second time.

OK, we’ve seen all the contestants – my five votes go to: Prince Poppycock and Michael Grimm with big support from me. Anna & Patryk get my support, too. My final two are Antonio Restivo and Christina & Ali, but I don’t believe they have a chance against Jackie Evancho and Prince Poppycock. For some reason Antonio has faded on me a bit. It was close between him and AscenDance.

So I did something tonight I never really thought I’d be doing if you were to ask me five years ago what I was going to be doing today.

I saw a live taping of AMERICA’S GOT TALENT, the show that anchors Tuesday and Wednesday nights on NBC.

I accidentally became a fan of the show after that damned Susan Boyle mesmerized us all with her unusual looks and even more unusual voice. So after watching a bunch of BRITAIN’S GOT TALENT videos online, I decided to give AGT a go last season.

And, dammit, I’m a weak fucking child – I was hooked after a single episode.

The fact I’m sharing this love with you is a testament to my need to embarrass myself.

So when Meldoy’s friend Lynn offered to set us up with seats, I said, “FUCK YEAH MOTHER FUCKER LET’S GO FUCKER YEAH!”

Or something much less wannabe gangstah.

If you’ve never seen a television show taped before, go to one. It’s an odd experience. It’s usually long, a bit tiring by the end and you really feel like you’re living in a weird bubble while the show is being produced. If you’ve been before, you know how a taping can be challenging at times. AGT is that – you’re there for almost four hours by the end of the 2 hour live taping – but it’s much more manageable than most tapings. This is entertaining, it’s just long and it’s not like those seats are all that comfortable. But it was fun and there were a handful of fun live acts there.

The theater is of course smaller than you’d expect and also crappier. It’s in a sound stage on the CBS Studios lot in Hollywood and it’s actually pretty impressive. When I say crappy, I mean simple (and crappy), but dammit if it’s doesn’t look amazing on television. It’s definitely “good enough for television.” Loved the place.

One thing you come away from an AGT taping is after you’ve seen it live then watched it again on television some acts don’t connect well in the theater. And I figured I’d run down the acts one-by-one and talk about what worked better on TV.

Also, you can hear me “woo” in the background numerous times. Yes, I’m that guy.

Da Maniacs – this didn’t work in person or on tape. Loved it when that one dude lost his pants, but felt for him. They seem like great guys, but no.

Nu Covenant – just as you’re about to get on board, their harmonies fall apart. Nice group of guys, but that didn’t work.

Anna and Patryk – really great. Possibly works better on TV. You’e in closer with them on TV. Place was really going off about these kids.

Lindsey Sterling – Yikes! Didn’t work in person or on TV. Liked the idea, but it wasn’t a great performance.

Doogie Horner – this was good in person, but even better on TV. I don’t know if that’s because the camera angles worked better, or if upon second viewing I finally realized how brilliant his set was. Focused almost entirely on mocking the show, it really was a great comedic act and a great choice. The subtle racism of the great white shark joke is funny as shit. Hates talking to babies. The misogynist joke, The pig lady can can dancers. What the hell? His banter with Piers. So brilliant. I hope he goes on tour after this because I would see him for a set. Gets my vote for top four.

Rudi Macaggi – Holy crap, mother fucker! Awesome! Scary on TV, even scarier in person. Shocking. Love this weirdo. “Phisolophical.” Howie wouldn’t watch. Piers and Sharon were freaking out. So much better in person. That place was going wild at the end of his act. There’s one or two “woooooos” from me in the background, and a faint “RUDYYYYYY!” Gets my second vote of the night in a big way.

Taylor Matthews – like this kid a lot. Not his best performance, but would definitely get one of my votes if I’ve got any left over at the end. I think he may have been even better in person. Place did react well to him.

Mary Ellen – Jesus Christ. Scarier in person. Ridiculously anarchistic is the only way to describe this. It fought against any and all common sense. I actually made X’s with my arms. Yeager barked at the telvision. Small children almost died during this performance. It’s awful and almost great, but not really. It’s scary. This is a look in to insanity.

Arcattack – this was prerecorded, so we were just shown playback. It frankly did little for me in person. The dude’s explanation of MIDI made me want to shoot out my eyes. Frankly this was MUCH better upon second vieweing. I did not get the full effect from the playback in the studio. Impressive set. Gets my back up vote.

Prince Poppycock – holy crap. Great in person, wonderful on telvision. The costume was astonishing. It’s Rupaul for opera, but way better. Absolutely gets my third vote.

Murray – Dammit, dude. I’ve seen that act before, on AGT last season none-the-less, but not like that and that was enjoyable. Bringing a tiger in to the mix is always a good thing. How that is done is completely unknown to me. There’s my fourth vote. Sorry alternates, you didn’t quite match up.

Strikers All Stars – Really not bad at all, but after that other dance group from last weak they come in a close second. Really great stuff, but just misses it.

The Judges – they work great in person and possibly even better on TV, if only because it can be hard to hear the judges during the show’s taping. All mugged for the audience at various times between the breaks. A shout of “Howie” from the girl next to me got him looking in our direction with a wave. Sharon is loved by that audience.

I can’t believe it’s come to this. I can’t believe I’ve sunk to this level.

I’m blogging about America’s Got Talent.

I’m an intelligent guy. I run a business. I have a cool dog. I’ve got things going for me.

And I’m writing about the semi-finals on America’s Got Talent.

Don’t say a word. If you don’t watch the show, you don’t know.

You don’t know it’s intoxicating power. You don’t know how it’s more like crack cocaine than anything else. You don’t know how much I want to have sex while watching the show.

Uhm, excuse me.

So, yes, here we go. I’m going to share my “thoughts” (as they are) with you about the 10 semi-finalists from the America’s Got Talent competition on September 1st, 2009.

Oh, Jesus, forgive me. I hope you’ll let me in heaven when that time comes.
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