Dear Taco Bell
Dear Taco Bell,
For years I’ve been an admirer of your food product. I remember enjoying your food all the way back into my very early adolescence, back when you introduced the 39/59/79 cent menu where I could get Tacos for only $.39 cents! And on occasion, you’d reduce the price to only $.29 cents! Man, those were the days. No responsibility, a $5 bill burning up your pocket and the promise of 17.24 tacos in the course of one week.
While you’ve introduced many new items over the years – the new Taquitos are the best new add in years – it’s the Mexican Pizza – which I remember calling the “Pizzaz” when it was first unveiled more than 20 years ago – that is my most favorite. Crunch, meaty, cheesy and beany. Plus, tomatoes and green onions. That is, until recently.
A few months back when the vegetables rose up and started to kill their human oppressors using Ecoli laced green onions from a handful of Taco Bell establishments, you removed the chopped green onions from the Mexican Pizza, I’m guessing over fear that either your vegetables are still angry or that people would stop ordering the deliciousness that is the Mexican Pizza. Whatever the reason, it was the right decision for the moment.
However, it’s time to reverse the decision. The vegetables have been contained and the carnage has stopped – for now. Yes, we know the green onion is like the Al Qaida of the vegetable world, but right now we’ve got them where we want them and that place is in our stomachs. Veggie terrorism will always exist, but we can’t let them decide for us what we can and can’t eat. We have brains – they do not. That means they must be eaten. Anything without a brain is fair game. Taco Bell, we must reassert our greatness on the green onions. Reverse your decision.
Plus, the Mexican Pizza tastes like ass without them.
Sincerely.
Jonah Weiland
– A loyal Taco Bell customer cince 1982 – at least.
