Taken at the Banksy “Barely Legal” exhibit in Downtown LA, September 17th, 2006. More on the exhibit a little later. Right now, need sleep stuffs.
I realize that after reading this entry you may label me as some sort of gum loving, mental deficient with too much time on his hands, but that’s OK by me.
One day when I was in China last year, we were in the supermarket and I got a sudden craving for gum. I don’t know where that came from because I’m not much of a gum chewer, but there I was in Hong Kong craving gum. I checked out the selection and decided upon Wrigley’s Extra Lemon-Pear Gum (with high-powered tooth whitening action!). It sounded deliciously bizarre, so I had to try it.
I fell in love with this fucking gum. It really was the best tasting gum I ever tried. It comes in chicklet form, not in the strips, and had a flavor that lasted and was very unique. I think what really appealed to me was its flavor. While this has changed a bit recently, most gum sold in the United States still tastes primarily like toothpaste. Wintergreen, Peppermint, Cinnamon – guys, if I want to chew toothpaste all day, I’ll suck on a tube of Aqua Fresh, OK? Let’s get some variety here. I’ve looked for this very same gum, but they don’t seem to distribute it here in the States. When I left China I loaded up on gum, but that only lasted me about a month. Since October of 2005, I’ve been very much without my Lemony-Peary goodness.
Recently, my friend Stephen told me his wife Dorothy was going on a last minute trip to China for four days and asked if I wanted anything from there. I thought about it for a bit and the only thing I really wanted was more of that damned gum! I scanned the last remaining pack of gum I had, sent the image to Dorothy and she said she’d do her best for me. How much did I want? “Oh, I’d be willing to pay for up to $50 worth,” knowing that would give me plenty of gum.
Off she went to China and came back with over 1000 pieces of gum for me. Dorothy is now one of my favorite women in the whole wide world.
Look at this picture (click to enlarge) – that’s 18 bottles of gum, 56 pieces per bottle. Why 56 pieces? I have no idea. Oh, and you know that putting gum in medicine style bottles would never fly in the United States. Some parent would start freaking out about how we’re putting gum in drug bottles and how it sends a bad message to the children (what message? Cmon!). The little bottle at the top of the pyramid was a small bottle of gum Dorothy bought Stephen. Now, Stephen pointed out he’s not a big fan of gum either, but actually enjoyed this stuff quite a lot. All told, the three boxes cost about $20. Not too shabby.
But here’s where the story gets odd. So, Dorothy’s packing her bags for the return trip home and places these three boxes of gum into her carry on bags. As she’s packing she thinks to herself something like, “Oh, crap! They’ll never let me take this home. They’ll probably think those bottles are filled with Ecstasy or some other form of drug! I’m screwed!” She packed the boxes away hoping for the best.
Security gave her no grief over the gum. Didn’t even bat an eye. But they did hassle her about something else she tried to bring on the plane – breast milk.
See, Dorothy is nursing her and Stephen’s beautiful baby Sienna right now and while she was away she pumped so that when she got home she’d have a new stash for Sienna. But with airport security measures more stringent lately, there was no way they were letting Dorothy board that plane with “potentially” explosive and lethal breast milk. 18 bottles of gum potentially filled with exploding gum? Sure, why not. Breast milk? “Ma’am, that’s now the property of the Chinese government.” Just more proof how retarded airport security is these days.
I’m happy, though. I’ve got my gum.
Christ, I sound like “Rainman” or something. “I like gum! I like gum! Gum is my friend! I like gum!”
