JonahWeiland.com

Arune wrote with the good news yesterday. Earlier this month CBS opted to pull “Love Monkey” from the schedule after only three episodes. The good news is that next month VH1 will air all eight filmed episodes of the series. Woo hoo! Gotta go set the TiVo.

I had a handful of people write me today to ask what I thought of the new NBC show “Teachers,” which debuted last night. You might ask, “Jonah, why does anyone care what you think about this show?” Really, I don’t know, but it obviously has something to do with the fact that Phil Hendrie is a part of the cast for the show. See, I worked with Phil as the producer/writer of his radio show back for almost three years when it was on KFI AM 640 in Los Angeles. Shortly before the show went national, I left the show to pursue the gold mine that was the Internet. So, I guess that’s why people care. And I figure I might as well share my idiotic ramblings with all of you.

Yes, I did watch it. What did I think? Honestly, Phil was really the best thing about an otherwise not so funny show. It wasn’t awful by any stretch (the American version of “Coupling” is the great suckage litmus test by which I compare any new comedy … it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as that), but it also wasn’t that funny. The scenes featuring Phil were truly the funniest moments of the episode, which is sad because he was only in the pilot episode for less than 2 minutes. Clearly, more time with Phil is needed.

As for the rest of the show – eh! Basically it was there to introduce us to the characters and set-up the love-triangle between Jeff Cahill (played by Justin Bartha) and two other teachers who are infinitely hot, Alice Fletcher (played by the adorable Sarah Alexnader from the original, far superior British version of “Coupling”) and Tara Torres (played by Sarah Shahi). If you’ve not seen the show, but did see the teaser commercial, then you pretty much saw the best moments from the show (”Jeff Cahill.” “I have a boyfriend.” “OK, Jeff Cahill.” “Boyfriend.”). Bartha’s OK as the lead, but I’m afraid he’s not quite strong enough in this first episode to convince me that he can carry the show. Alexander is good as always, but the dialogue doesn’t seem a perfect fit with her rapid fire delivery that was so excellent in “Coupling.” Tara Torres is so unbelievably hot that I may not have heard a word she said. Seriously, she’s OK, but they really need to move her beyond a sex object for her to work.

The supporting cast, though, is lacking. The quirky Ms. Emma Wiggins played by Kali Rocha is just that, quirky, without any other personality attributes thus far. Calvin Babbit played by Deon Richmod is hardly defined and was given some of the weakest jokes on the show. At the moment, he just doesn’t fit well into the show. Hendrie rounds out the supporting cast and he really is the best of the lot. Playing cranky Dick Green, he has the best moments of the show and the greatest possibility. He’s a clearly defined character. You know exactly where he’s coming from, but you’re not quite sure what to expect. Of the entire cast, he has the most potential for comedy.

It’s not a bad show, far from it, but it feels like the main three cast members haven’t exactly gelled yet. I do think this show has some promise and it might just be a matter of time for the writing staff and actors to all find their voices, but you don’t get much time on network television to prove yourself anymore. This episode was all fairly obvious set-up, but I guess you need some of that in order to get to the good stuff. The coming weeks will give us a better idea if this show takes off or not. If it continues on as is, I don’t think it’ll last long, but if you up the funny and take it in some unexpected directions, it could prove successful. NBC’s had some luck with new comedies of late in both “My Name is Early” and “The Office.” Let’s see if they can do it again.

Customer Support Boredom

Not exactly customer support hell, but I got bored on hold and kept a running log of my experience.

4:58 PM - The DSL plan I currently have through Pacific Bell … no, SBC … right. The DSL plan I currently have through SBC … wait, no AT&T … right. OK, the DSL plan I currently have with AT&T is the same one I’ve had for four years now. Checking out their Web site I see that I could get the same service I’m currently paying $64.95 a month for can be had for $44.99. I don’t mind saving $20 a month and keeping that out of the pocket of AT&T. So, let’s call.

5:05 PM - Finally make my way through automation hell and get put on hold for a DSL service representative.

5:15 PM - Talk to a woman. Tell her that I’d like to change my plan to take advantage of current rates and that I’m happy to sign a one-year contract. If they can’t make any changes, then I’m going to cancel. She says she has to transfer me to a “DSL Retention Specialist.” Wow, they have specialists to help them keep their existing customers. Is providing good service and customer support just not enough anymore?

5:20 PM - Now I’ve been on the phone for a total of 22 minutes. Wasn’t this whole outsourcing to India thing supposed to make customer support better and faster?

5:23 PM - Still no answer. The on-hold music is 1950s Pop music. The song playing right now is “Let’s Make Sweet Love Tonight.” Odd choice. I guess that makes sense considering the sheer amount of porn online.

5:24 PM - I took the cordless phone with me into the bathroom. I could hold it no longer.

5:26 PM - I’m back at my desk and, yes, I washed my hands. Don’t nag.

5:28 PM - Finally get someone on the phone 30 minutes after I first picked up the phone. Full disclosure, this is a full 20 minutes faster than the last time I went through a process like this with PacBell/SBC/AT&T/The Nation’s Most Annoying Phone Company. I tell the guy my story. He listens, dutifully. Is nice enough. Tells me if I sign up online, I can get a deal that’ll save me $20 a month for the next six months with twice the service speed. I say thanks for your help, he goes on to read a 20 second goodbye message. No wonder why it takes them so long to pick-up the phone– they’re too busy saying goodbye to the last customer.

I checked out Adelphia’s cable modem offerings and I’ve decided to re-up with AT&T, only because it’s much easier at this point. I could save about $25 a month going through Adelphia, but that would mean waiting for an installer to come, having to reconfigure my firewall and, most importantly, having to look presentable early in the morning, something I’m not fond of.

In looking for a new housekeeper, I rediscovered exactly how creepy the process can be. See, I perused the Craigslist Household Services to see what was available. Included amongst the listings are a number of maid services that will clean your home in the nude. Now, I’ve heard of maid services that feature women in skimpy clothing that will clean your home– it seems whenever the local news enters sweeps month, a news story about such a thing surfaces – but I’ve never actually seen the ads for these services myself.

Going through the listings on Craigslist, I found quite a few in the Los Angeles area. Like one woman offering to clean your home topless or nude who went so far as to list her measurements and what will and won’t happen during the cleaning– she will clean your home topless or nude/she will not have sex with you (she was adamant about this). She charged $100 first hour topless or $150 first hour nude and $50 an hour each hour after that topless or nude. So, you’re looking at over $250 or so in fees to clean your home just because she’s nekkid. As an alternative, if you’re that desperate to see a naked woman live, might I suggest hiring a regular ol’ cleaning lady (or man), then travel to the nearest strip joint. You’ll save a lot of money and get an eyeful of the women flesh.

While that’s not completely creepy, the listings from men offering to clean your home nude take it all to a new level. This one guy charges only $8 - $10 an hour to clean your house or do general labor in the nude or not, it’s up to you. (”Could you lay some drywall for me nude? That’s really what I need right now — drywall in the nude.”) He goes on to list his skills, which include forklift operator (certified!), web design, extra work in TV and film and a host of other, non-related skills. On his personal Web site he details how he’s looking for female companionship and is clean, safe and disease-free. Since when are these attributes necessary to clean a toilet?

It gets creepier. Like the “attractive 36 year old male” willing to clean your house naked, and it’s free for the ladies. He says he expects nothing in return, he just does it for the safe, erotic fun. Oh, and you can invite friends over while he cleans. Bonus!

Craigslist can equally be the most helpful and creepiest place on the Web.

Back on January 10th I shared with you my many travails in trying to find a dependable house keeper. At the time, I thought I had found one, Letty. I was wrong.

After having to cancel and reschedule her visits numerous times in the last two months, I finally decided that I’d give her one more chance and if she screwed this one up, that would be it. We made plans for her to come to my home today at 11:00. By 11:30 she still hadn’t arrived. At 11:45 she called to say she was only 15 minutes away. I said fine, please come over ASAP and reminded her that she was supposed to be here at 11:00. She told me she thought she was supposed to be here at 11:30. Allright, maybe there was a misunderstanding, but that would still make her half an hour late. I reminded her that when I schedule her to come at a certain time, I set aside time so that I don’t have phone calls to make or errands to run while she’s here and that I need her to stick to the times we discussed. She said that wouldn’t be a problem anymore and that she’d be at my home shortly.

12:00 and she’s still not here.

12:30 and she’s still not here.

I called her twice and got voice mail both times. Second time I told her to forget coming over, in as nice a way as I could.

What is it about flaky housekeepers? I don’t understand. I suppose if I used a service they’d be more dependable, but I don’t want to pay twice what I should to get my home cleaned. This is just retarded.

So, I’m back in the hunt for a housekeeper. If any of you reading this are in the Los Angeles area and can recommend someone, please drop me a line. Otherwise it’s back to Craigslist for me, and we all know how much success I’ve had with using them for house keepers.

Update 5:15 PM Pacific - Well, I went through the listings at Craigslist and after sorting through all the ads from dudes who say “Will clean house nude, free for the ladies,” I called one lady who called me back promptly. She’s scheduled to come out on Thursday. I told her of my problems with past maids and she understood and said that shouldn’t be a problem with her. Let’s hope so.

I noticed something odd tonight while traveling LA’s subway into Downtown LA.

For those of you who don’t know, Los Angeles has its own subway. Yes, in this earthquake stricken place, we have a subway. That’s what everyone loves to point out, but Tokyo has a subway, too, and they’re in the Ring of Fire as well! At any rate, yeah, we have a subway and it’s only 16 miles long. I think it’s 18 if you count the tracks to the repair facility, but it’s short. It runs from North Hollywood in the San Fernando Valley (blocks away from where I live) down to Union Station in Downtown. Along the way it connects with the Blue Line light rail that takes you to Long Beach. And there’s your LA public transportation update.

OK, enough of that cock. Let’s move on to the oddness.

So, I’m riding the subway for what must be the 200th time and I noticed something very interesting about the people who ride it– they’re not entirely acclimated to it and don’t have the right attitude yet.

When I was in New York City two weeks ago, I took the subway and Path trains a lot to get around. One thing you don’t get a lot of on the NY subway, at least in my observations, are people really looking at each other. Sure, people steal a look at a hot chick or hunky dude or even the less attractive of the species, but there’s never prolonged eye contact. Of course that’s a generalization, but it’s mostly true.

In the LA underground, people haven’t figured that out yet. They all look at each other. And they hold that look. As I looked around, I saw people almost staring at each other. At first I just noticed a handful of people who seemed to be staring at me. I got self-conscious, so I looked at myself in the blackened windows, but didn’t see anything odd or out of place. Then I thought it was because this pasty ass, white, half-Jew looked out of place on the subway, but that couldn’t be considering the number of pasty ass, white, who-knows-what-religion hockey fans there are that take the subway down to Staples Center. That was when I noticed it wasn’t just happening to me.

People look around at each other a lot on the LA subway. I guess due to the fact that our rail system is only 10+ years old, we haven’t figured out the “keep to our own space” thing yet. The subway was packed tonight — standing room only going back into the valley — but there were very few people listening to their iPod’s or reading like you’d see in any other major city with a well used public transpo system. I guess our riders haven’t figured that out yet.

Our riders also haven’t figured out that when you take the escalator, you stand to the right and walk on the left. People, stand to the right, walk on the left. C’mon, you morons.

Allright, let’s come right out with it. Cats suck. Compared to dogs, well, they don’t compare! I know there are cat people out there that take great offence, but too bad. I’m a dog person– I loves me some doggies. That being said, this Web site that does indeed highight the feline is quite excellent. Of course, the name of the Web site is StuffOnMyCat.com, so, really, you can’t go wrong.