Redefining Words
One of my favorite words is cocksucker, not to be confused with cock sucker. When written or used as two words, it’s meaning is quite obvious. On the other hand, when used as a single word, it has a very different meaning. If you were to look up the word “cocksucker” in the dictionary, provided it was actually listed, you’d see it defined as “major, major, major asshole.” Well, I think I’ve found a new definition for cocksucker. See, I’m beginning a campaign to change the definition of cocksucker from “major, major, major asshole” to “car salesman.” Because that’s what they fucking are.
Today I went down to Culver City Mazda to check on a 2004, Red, Fully Loaded RX-8. I called a week ago and they said they had exactly what I was looking for. I’d like to try for a 2004 over a 2005 because it’s about $6000 bucks cheaper. The guy told me a week ago he had one with only 6400 miles on it. Fantastic. Last night I called again to verify that it was still in stock and the salesman assured me it was.
So, this afternoon during lunch I made my way out to the West Side of Los Angeles to check out the car. I pull up into the dealership, which I noticed had more in common with a southside ghetto than your typical car dealer, and parked my car. It turns out the dealership has been sold and very likely next month they won’t even be selling Mazda anymore. So, I found my salesman, the slimy, greasy, portabello mushroom looking cocksucker, and asked him to show me in the direction of the RX-8 we had been talking about. He showed me out to the lot, said “It’s just on the other side of the silver truck over there,” and as I turned around the back side of the truck I saw a yellow RX-8 and a red RX-8. He pointed me towards the yellow car.
“That’s the 2004 right there,” car salesfuck said of the yellow RX-8.
I pointed out how during our phone conversation I had specified a 2004 RX-8 in red and how he told me he had that. I was very specific about my request. I even called him twice to verify he still had it in stock.
“Well, we do have a red RX-8, but it’s a 2005.”
OK, you fuck, that’s not what I’m talking about and he knows it. At this point I’m getting pretty pissed because not only do they not have the car I asked for, the 2005 model they do have in stock isn’t at all the one I’m looking for (slightly wrong model).
It was at this point that I said to car salesfuck that either he completely misunderstood what I said on the phone, which I find very hard to believe, or he out right lied to me. “I really don’t appreciate being lied to and I especially don’t appreciate being inconvenienced like this, coming down to a dealer only to discover they don’t have what they told me they had. This is a bait and switch.”
It was at this point that fleet manager car salesfuck of the unkempt shirt and dirty face walked over to see why pasty white man was calling one of his salesman a liar. I explained the situation, and all he had to say was, “Well, I’m sorry we don’t have the exact car you wanted, but the 2004 RX-8 we have I can give you a great deal on since we’re shutting down. And cmon, yellow’s a beautiful color. It’s the color of the sun.”
It’s the color of the sun.
What a fucking retard.
I wanted to say, “I’m not running a taxi service” or “Yellow is also the color of piss, you jackass,” but I didn’t. I simply turned and left.
“I hate to see you leave under these circumstances. Don’t leave angry,” said fleet manager car salesfuck.
Yes, he actually said that. I half wanted to turn and yell, “I’m only buying a car, we’re not fucking, you lameass!” I opted to just keep walking for fear that if I turned around I’d begin hitting him in the face repeatedly.
I’ve since then asked a friend about the salesman he used to buy his RX-8 and hope to hear from that cocksucker tomorrow. I’ve pretty much decided that at this point I’m going to buy the car over the phone. I’ll find the dealer who has the exact make and model I want and will do all my negotiations over the phone. I’m not sitting in a dealership for 8 hours negotiating when I can do it from the comfort of my own home with a fax machine.
Car Salesman = Cocksucker
