A Letter Of Some Importance
Dear TiVo People,
I am a proud and happy owner of one of those TiVo boxes you guys invented. Oddly fantastic machine that TiVo is, it really has become the most important appliance in my life. Well, except for the fridge since I really can’t go without refrigeration. But, that being said, it’s still an amazing and integral part of my daily life and I know full well how pathetic that sounds. I love television and the TiVo gives me back a good four or five hours of my time if I had been watching these things live. And that, to me, is valuable.
One of the featrues of your neat little box of magic is the ability to record programs the machine thinks will interest its owner based on his thumbs up and thumbs down ratings for teleivision programs. For instance, I have a thumbs down for the Jay Leno Tonight Show because I find it wholly unfunny and don’t much like the show. I have thumbs up for shows like “The West Wing” and “NYPD Blue,” wonderfully well made programming. So, it was with that in mind that I was shocked and apalled to discover recently that my TiVo had recorded the film “Look Who’s Talking Now” starring John Travolta and Kirstie Alley and a bunch of mother fucking talking babies.
I’ve dealt with my fair share of indignities in life, but this has got to be the lowest. I have never before been quite so insulted or publicly humiliated. A friend was over when I turned on my TiVo and she saw the indignity on the screen. She laughed and pointed and shreaked with laughter. It was as though I had been pantsed and my penis was the size of a short snack carrot found at many of your cocktail parties. This has sent me in to a deep depression since it first ocurred some eight hours ago. I feel as if I am spiraling out of control.
It is with this knowledge that I must demand an apology be issued by the CEO of TiVO Inc. to be dispatched to my office post haste. A letter couriered to the above address or sent to my electronic mail address below would go a long way to alleviating my heightened displeasure with your company as well as my own current state of emotional instability.
Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Jonah Weiland
Concerned And Annoyed And Kind Of Upset TiVo Owner
me * @ * jonahweiland.com
