The Power of their Source, the Crystal
Warning: I’m about to let you in on a bit of the mindless minutae of my life that has no real bearing on anything. Thank you.
Back when the grocery store strike started in California (and it’s still ongoing and becoming more annoying) I found myself at my usual grocery spot, Trader Joes. Now, I regularly shop there anyway, but this time around I decided I’d do as much of my shopping there as possible so as not to have to cross the pickett line at any of the bigger chains.
So, there I was, at Trader Joes, and on my list was anti-persprant. It seems this young lad had used up the last of his Speed Stick Clear Gel, Mountain Breeze scent, and it was time to pick up some new under arm odor combatant. Now, Trader Joes doesn’t carry your normal brands of anti-persprant and deoderants. No, they carry the Tom’s of Maine fluffy, environmentally sound, no animals were kicked in the making of this product type stuff. Now, I’ve always used the anti-persprant myself as I’m one prone to perspire. I looked over their selection and saw they had absolutely no anti-persprant, just deoderant. I thought to myself, ya know, we’re really meant to sweat in the under arm area anyway, so who needs this anti-persprant crap. Plus, it never worked for me, so fuck it, try something new. I looked at the no-bunnies were harmed product they had and none of it really caught my eye. But then, the heavens above opened, a light shone through and illuminated just one product.
I’ve heard about this thing for a long time. You take this stone looking thing and rub it under your arm pit and voila, no stinky. Sure, I’m a liberal tree hugger, but I ain’t no hippy. How was some rock going to stop the nasty arm stink? I read the label, it intrigued me and I figured since I needed some of the pit de-stinker anyway, let’s give something new a try. I also remembered an article I read in a recent issue of GQ where their style guy heavily endorsed this product. Worst case scenario I’m out an Abe Lincoln and would go to the 7-11 and pick up some of my trusty Speed Stick.
Dude. You know what? The stone/rock/granite in the pit thing? It works!
Like the magic Houdini used to perform, The Crystal mystifies and amazes. Run that little stone under the water, apply it under your pit after you shower and I swear to the Lord Almighty (if he does indeed exist) that this shit is the shit! This is a non-scented bit of industriaul armament. Oddly, it really doesn’t feel like anything’s going on you when you rub it in the under arm portion of the bod-day, but it combats those henke germs like a mutha.
The real test for me was how would it perform after a Tae Kwon Do class. Generally I come home from TKD smelling like a dogs freshly pooped ass and must immediately take a shower or risk the soiling of my good family name. But not with The Crystal. I kid you not, when I come home from TKD now, I smell just fine. Sure, I feel a bit of the sticky with the dried sweat and still need to take a shower, but I don’t smell like man shit.
I guess it was a bit of prejudice prior to investigation in that I thought The Crystal was a bunch of new-age hoohah, but I’m here to tell you it’s not. Like one bad mamma jamma, this shit works its groove thing. And a single stick will last you 365 days, saving you a small bit of change. Bonus.
I’m off anti-persprant. Kick the habit with me. Choose The Crystal.
