The Occasional Blog of Jonah Weiland

I was surprised recently by a handfull of people who’ve written to ask why I’ve not added anything to this site recently. One of them even harassed me about it. Consdiering it’s a blog that has no real focus or purpose, this surprised me. I guess you like my stories about under arm deoderant.

Been terribly busy with life lately. Working on a lot of different projects as well as holiday prep. Oh, and I turned 32 last Sunday. Got lots of pics, just haven’t posted them yet. Will get to that maybe later today.

I do have some quick as shit movie reviews for those of you bored enough out of your mind to care. Some I saw in the theater. Clearly others I saw on video.

“The Matrix Revolutions” - Wiped Ass. It’s dog shit. A truly bad movie. Thankfully we still have “The Matrix” to look back on, while “Reloaded” and “Revolutions” are mostly forgettable fare.

“Elf” - Cute, but not fantastic. Certainly didn’t wipe ass.

“28 Days Later” - REALLY enjoyed this movie. Not a terribly scary movie, but some great scenes of dread and despair. And the entire time you’re never quite certain which character is safe. The extras on the DVD are quite cool.

“Priscilla, Queen of the Desert” - TiVo recorded this for me. Man, that was a pointless movie. So much hype about that film, how great it was, but boy did it disappoint. Not because I had high expectations, no, but because it had no real conflict. It’s not a bad movie, but it’s also not a good movie. There’s a different between the two. The only interesting thing you can take away from it is watching actors like Hugo Weaving, Guy Pearce and (one of my favorites) Terrence Stamp tackle these roles. Unfortunately, the meat isn’t there for any of them to shine. It seems like the writers of this film thought that it would be neat-o-keen to see a bunch of drag queens prance around in the outback. Well, they were wrong.

Okay, I’m off to bed.

Warning: I’m about to let you in on a bit of the mindless minutae of my life that has no real bearing on anything. Thank you.

Back when the grocery store strike started in California (and it’s still ongoing and becoming more annoying) I found myself at my usual grocery spot, Trader Joes. Now, I regularly shop there anyway, but this time around I decided I’d do as much of my shopping there as possible so as not to have to cross the pickett line at any of the bigger chains.

So, there I was, at Trader Joes, and on my list was anti-persprant. It seems this young lad had used up the last of his Speed Stick Clear Gel, Mountain Breeze scent, and it was time to pick up some new under arm odor combatant. Now, Trader Joes doesn’t carry your normal brands of anti-persprant and deoderants. No, they carry the Tom’s of Maine fluffy, environmentally sound, no animals were kicked in the making of this product type stuff. Now, I’ve always used the anti-persprant myself as I’m one prone to perspire. I looked over their selection and saw they had absolutely no anti-persprant, just deoderant. I thought to myself, ya know, we’re really meant to sweat in the under arm area anyway, so who needs this anti-persprant crap. Plus, it never worked for me, so fuck it, try something new. I looked at the no-bunnies were harmed product they had and none of it really caught my eye. But then, the heavens above opened, a light shone through and illuminated just one product.

The Crystal.

I’ve heard about this thing for a long time. You take this stone looking thing and rub it under your arm pit and voila, no stinky. Sure, I’m a liberal tree hugger, but I ain’t no hippy. How was some rock going to stop the nasty arm stink? I read the label, it intrigued me and I figured since I needed some of the pit de-stinker anyway, let’s give something new a try. I also remembered an article I read in a recent issue of GQ where their style guy heavily endorsed this product. Worst case scenario I’m out an Abe Lincoln and would go to the 7-11 and pick up some of my trusty Speed Stick.

Dude. You know what? The stone/rock/granite in the pit thing? It works!

Like the magic Houdini used to perform, The Crystal mystifies and amazes. Run that little stone under the water, apply it under your pit after you shower and I swear to the Lord Almighty (if he does indeed exist) that this shit is the shit! This is a non-scented bit of industriaul armament. Oddly, it really doesn’t feel like anything’s going on you when you rub it in the under arm portion of the bod-day, but it combats those henke germs like a mutha.

The real test for me was how would it perform after a Tae Kwon Do class. Generally I come home from TKD smelling like a dogs freshly pooped ass and must immediately take a shower or risk the soiling of my good family name. But not with The Crystal. I kid you not, when I come home from TKD now, I smell just fine. Sure, I feel a bit of the sticky with the dried sweat and still need to take a shower, but I don’t smell like man shit.

I guess it was a bit of prejudice prior to investigation in that I thought The Crystal was a bunch of new-age hoohah, but I’m here to tell you it’s not. Like one bad mamma jamma, this shit works its groove thing. And a single stick will last you 365 days, saving you a small bit of change. Bonus.

I’m off anti-persprant. Kick the habit with me. Choose The Crystal.

If you haven’t seen “The Daily Show” from Monday, November 10th, you’ll have a couple of opportunities to tape it today, November 11th, as they repeat the previous night’s show at least twice the following day. This is possibly the funniest half hour of “The Daily Show” ever. It’s the episode with Will Ferrel as guest, but possibly the funniest moment comes when the show’s best news man, Stephen Colbert, looses it completely. While clearly it’s the best moment on the show, there are so many others in this episode that looked at as a whole, it’s, well, it’s just the definition of the funny.

Watch it. Laugh your ass off. Then get a cheek transplant as they’ll have fallen off following the much chortling.

Just a quick Tae Kwon Do update for anyone who might care. I’m still going at it. I’m now a yellow belt, which means I’ve passed my first test. Next up is the purple belt with testing the middle of December. I’ve got lots to do between now and then, so I’m not sure I’ll be ready to test or not. I can say I am still enjoying the hell out of TKD. Classes can be hard at times, but more often than not they’re very rewarding. So far this week the classes have been great, loads of fun.

The hardest thing for me to do still is a round house kick. My legs are still not very flexible or nimble, so I feel like a complete jackass when doing round houses. I have seen some improvement when doing bar work and executing a round house, but when asked to do a jumping or walking round house, it just don’t work yet. In time.

I have decided, barring some sort of unforseen disaster or act of God, that I will stick with this all the way. I want to see if I can get a black belt. Check back in 3 years and you’ll know whether or not I made it.

I take my classes at the North Hollywood studio of Jun Chong Tae Kwon Do. Check out their Web site for more info.

Sights and sounds from the Haunted Hotel at the Roosevelt Hotel, Hollywood, on Halloween Night, 2003 are now available in the gallery. Enjoy the splendor! Enjoy the action! Enjoy the half-naked ladies! I did! Twice!

I really enjoyed this event. Five rooms of music all with different themes. While the costumes weren’t nearly as complex or intricate as the ones we saw at the Halloween Masquerade Ball, the variety was greater. My favorites were the vampiric US Marshall and the half-naked ladies.