The Occasional Blog of Jonah Weiland

While every show hasn’t had their season premiere yet, the new TV season officially got it’s start here in the U.S. last week. Some quick thoughts about the new shows I watched and comments on returning shows.

“K Street” – My favorite new show of the season. I need my Special K fix weekly. I’m an addict.

“NYPD Blue” – Good opener with the usual strong performances. We’re in to the trial of the IAD guy who tried to kill the Lieutenant. This is gonna get good.

“Ed” – Loved it. Good stuff. Ed and Carol hump. It’s what we’ve been waiting for. The question is, now that they’ve humped (twice as far as we know) will it get boring “Moonlighting” style?

“The West Wing” – Very mixed feelings. First episode without Sorkin and Schlamme. There’s a lack of language. Not as many words. Problem is the story that’s unfolding right now isn’t one that really lends itself to long speeches. I thought Goodman was actually quite strong, but the rest, I dunno. I’m gonna give it a few more weeks, but this doesn’t seem to be the Sorkin TWW I liked so much.

“Friends” – Ehhhh … kinda boring. Laughed once. Hrmmm …

“Coupling” (NBC) – Absolute crap. Lacks all the charm and funny bits of the BBC version. I laughed twice, but at jokes that were already used in the original. The guy who plays Jeff is horribly miscast. See, on the BBC version Jeff is a good looking guy who the ladies like, but he’s just really, really, really goofy. On the NBC version the guy is not seemingly attractive to the ladies, is not particularly hunky and isn’t all that goofy. The character of Jeff is what makes that show tick and they don’t got it. I’ll give it one more show.

“ER” – Liked it. Next week looks like it’ll be more better (I like saying more better).

“Alias” – Okay, so for years we thought James Bond was the real spy guy dude thing. Fuck him. He’s got nothing on Sydney Bristow. The conspiracy is huge again and everything is not what it seems, while it’s also exactly what it seems. You can’t believe anything and no one can be trusted. Damn fine premiere.

“The Lyon’s Den” - So, well, it’s interesting. Lowe is good, but the writing seemed odd at times. Some very obvious moments, some VERY awkward moments (the fight outside made no sense, the weird “The Firm” style conspiracies going on behind the scenes). I get the feeling they’re telegraphing the story a bit too much already, which is very bad. Also strange was the music by W.G. Snuffy Walden. It was very “The West Wing” like at times and I believe he worked/works on that show as well. “Ya know, we got Rob Lowe from ‘The West Wing,’ we should also get the guy who does the music for ‘The West Wing,’ then everyone will love it!”

I believe that’s all I’ve watched so far. “Third Watch” was on tonight, haven’t watched it yet. Also have three episodes of “Carnivale” on the TiVo that I haven’t watched. Is it worth it? Just waiting for the return of “24.” That’s going to be good. Painful good. Like that pee you’ve been holding for half an hour you finally got to let out good. My expectations are high.

Shit. September 12th was the one year anniversary of this here blog experimento (that’s experiment in Spanish for those of you east of the Mississippi). It’s amazing how after one year of infrequently updating this Web site how much your lives have changed as a result. For many, in very mysterious ways. My contributions to your life have been many. Various and sundry even (sorry, Augie). I’m just glad to be of service.

Speaking of service, where’s that wench of mine…the one with the nurses outfit and…

“At this point I would like to address certain issues that have arisen lately concerning my person. I can say, in full confidence, that Billie Jean is not my lover. She’s just a girl who claims that I am the one. But the kid…the kid is not my son. Have you seen the little bastard? His looks share more in common with a crocodile in heat than my fair and honest features.

“Yes, I have met Miss. Jean on a number of occasions, even admired her buttal area from afar, but nothing inappropriate or even indiscreet has occurred between myself and this woman. Sure, Miss. Jean is one foxy mama and any man would be grateful to share a shnuzzle or two with this specimen, but case in fact I was not the recipient of any of Miss. Jean’s generosity. That fact strikes me as somewhat odd considering she really is quite the ho.

“Sure, I hear the woman ride’s the pony like no one’s business and is quite experienced in the area of certain sexual pleasures which would be inappropriate to mention in the company of such fine and august press outlets that have showed up today for this here press conference. Although, I imagine it would be unfair if I didn’t mention at least one act that Miss. Jean attacks with great determination. (pause) Excuse me as I search for the most appropriate words to describe this occurrence. Apparently Miss. Jean enjoys being top-side. One warning, though, she has earned the nickname ‘The Snapper’ for a reason.

“Naturally I have watched Miss. Jean dance, on the floor, in the round, watching her hips gyrate as her rather large areas of bustiness bounce in beat with the playing music. How can you not? When they’re as large and round as a small monkey screwed up into a ball form rolling down a grassy hill, you can’t help but stare for a moment or two.

“Once again I reiterate that at no time in recent memory have I engaged in any sort of carnal humping or coital bliss with Miss. Jean, nor have I given her my precious love seed and pollinated her gardens of goodness to produce the love child she now holds in her hands, to her breast, as it feeds on her ever-lasting teets of sustenance. Could someone get a napkin please? The beast has dribbled.

“Despite the fact I hear Miss. Jean’s propensity as a knob gobbler is unmatched, I took to heart something my Mother and some friends once told me which will conclude my official statement here today. See, people always told me be careful of what you do and don’t go around breaking young girls’ hearts. That’s good advice. And my Mother always told me be careful of who you love and be careful of what you do ’cause the lie becomes the truth. Billie Jean is not my lover. Thank you and God Bless America.”

So Sunday night I got a bite to eat with Dana at Baja Fresh and brought along my digital camera to show him some the neat stuff it can do. We sat outside and he wanted to see how good the 11x digital zoom was so I took a picture of a random dirty table that was about 3 or 4 over from us. When I got home and looked at it I thought it actually came out kinda cool. So here it is. Clicky to make the big.

Certainly it’s nothing fantastic, nor is it great art, but I like it. I call it “Lonely Aquafina.”

Then I thought, “ohhhhh, what if some French artist were to have painted this scene instead of photographed it!” So, I played with the lame brush filters in Photoshop. Here’s version #1 and version #2.

Does anyone else out there think the song “Talk To Me, Dance With Me” by Hot Hot Heat is equally fantastic and absolute excrement? The portion of the song where the words “You are my only girl, but you’re not my owner” repeat constantly is so annoying that it becomes interesting again. It’s like that nails on the chalk board thing, but with razor blades instead of nails, but after 3 hours of that it’s not so bad anymore. Just like that.

Oh, and the song opens with some sort of cow bell being hit. How often is it a song that opens with a cow bell is a good thing?

I enjoy this really stupid song.

So last week when the news came down that John Ritter had died I was talking to my friend Charles about it and he shared with me a story about John Ritter’s scrotilia that sounded too hillarious to be true. Today I did some research and discovered it’s absolutely true: In an episode of “Three’s Company” John Ritter’s scrotilia has a brief cameo and John was perfectly fine with that. I highly encourage you to read this article about the nut as it’s gotta be one of the funniest TV moments ever.

Well, watched the first episode of “K Street” on HBO last Sunday and I’m hooked. Incredibly hooked. Hell, I’ve watched that episode three times now. It’s really quite hard to describe as it’s a political show that’s one part drama and one part documentary. It’s like “The West Wing” if some of it were real. One of the strangest aspects of the show is that the line between real and not so real blurs throughout the program. (Of course, the same holds true for politics in general, so it’s really not all that weird.) Starring the real life political power house of Mary Matalin and James Carville, directed by Steven Sodderbergh and EP’d by Sodderbergh with George Clooney, it’s an infinitely entertaining program. There’s a great AP article that explains the show better than I am here.