We live in a “Would you like to super-size that” world
“I’d like a small Diet Coke, please.”
“Would you like to make it a medium for only 25 cents more?”
“No, thank you.”
“Are you sure? It’s only 25 cents more for the medium and the large is just an additional 50 cents!”
“No, I would not like to upsize my drink and since you’ve bugged me about it twice now I’ll tell you why.
“See, the small drink is the perfect size for a two hour movie viewing experience. While the film may only be about ninety-minutes long, with previews and various theater branding you guys throw in front of me, my time spent inside your lovely stadium-seating style theater will be closer to two hours.
“Now, if I were to get the medium or large sized drink like you suggested it would necessarily fill my bladder, requiring me to relieve myself at some point. For me to relieve myself would necessitate the removal of my person from the theater. This would mean that I would get up from my seat and leave said theater in the middle of the film that I’ve come here to enjoy. By removing myself from the theater that would mean I’d miss a small portion of the film, probably a critical moment because in the past I always seem to have picked the worst time to pay my respects to the porcelain Gods. This leaving of the theater would then lead to a diminished viewing experience. Isn’t the goal of any movie theater to make sure that my experience, while watching a piece of cinematic brilliance, is the most satisfactory so as to maximize my enjoyment of the movie? In this instance, upsizing my drink would not add to my enjoyment, rather it would be a detriment.
“So, in conclusion, to answer your question again, I would not be interested in making my drink medium-sized for an extra 25 cents.”
“That’s fine, sir. Would you like any popcorn?”
Happy Thanksgiving.
